i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
do nipples grow back?
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