I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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