chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
