Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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