Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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