make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
