Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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