meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
