oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's even glitter on my cock...
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