everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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