I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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