Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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