She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize