hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
