A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My penis needs a shock collar
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