mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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