There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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