I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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