don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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