I haven't been this sober since birth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
