I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
