I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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