yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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