Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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