i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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