sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
