Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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