Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
