there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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