i don't like sucking hair
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
