Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
