Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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