Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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