I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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