dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize