my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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