we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
