a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
