I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
