farters have to be the big spoon...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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