Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we still banned from the library?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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