Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
