omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
