did you get engaged???
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
