in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
