Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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