I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
