Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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