Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
