the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
