This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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