she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
