I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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