The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
