Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
