I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
