I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
