Your mouth is God's brothel.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
