porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
