i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
