her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
