yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
