im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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