dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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