Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
